I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
