I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A+ Viking dick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
