His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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