I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
