and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize