I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
