tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
