oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
