Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
