My cat gives me a boner
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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