my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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