Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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