I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
