Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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