found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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