Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.