i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.