dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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