In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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