with your own penis?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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