Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
