I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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