I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
