There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
