My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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