Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
