i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
