Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
