i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
