I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
