After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
