I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
did you just send me my own nude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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