just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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