Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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