you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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