This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
