If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
