I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
two words...techno handjob
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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