They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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