My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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