i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
