come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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