u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
