I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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