I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
