He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
