It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Still dying that you shit outside
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
