you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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