So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
