i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
