The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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