he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
