That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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