sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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