If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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