I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
