I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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