rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
