In the future we'll all be gay
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
