Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
