There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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